Tinder Bios of the Immortal


Slides into your DM fast as lightening
In more ways than one.
Feeds you some bull about love at first swipe.
Blocks you immediately after sex.
Clearly married.



Un-ironically wears Hawaiian shirts & shell necklaces.
Can hang ten but not onto a job.
Lives in his parents beach house.
Emotions outburst roll in like waves.
Sends you pics of his one-eye monster.


Dionysus “Big D”

Chaotic bisexual ex-theatre geek.
The original fuck boy.
Shows up on your date already drunk
“U UP?” he texts.
You are.



All his profile pics are #gymselfies
Or of his “hot ride”.
Ex-military and will let you know IMMEDIATELY
His go-to response when you don’t answer :
“Whatever, you look a bitch anyway. FUCK YOU”.

Swipe left please.

Ellen Ricks
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