my body is abundant with blood
i push my knickers down past my knees
and a rush of rust rises to my nose.
this is the beginning. sweating,
swearing, shitting my guts out,
tetanus needle straight through the spine
doubled over, paracetamol. the churning of
the bladed turbine scrambling uncooked egg,
then spitting out chunks of raw meat.

i watch the clot webbing between
my finger and thumb. same smell
from science class’s cut-up cow hearts
all sickly sticky sinew, so fresh it’s
almost orange and smeared down my
thigh, the stains sucked out of my nails,
metallic tang on my tongue.
i swallow fridgefuls of food and still
i’m craving that cave-in to sedate
all this burbling hunger. i don’t
have the wherewithal to crawl
for a tissue.

my back is kicked in, rupturing ache
running through each organ, the uproaring
cysts disturbed by this cycle every month.
i have rolled over, heavy-eyed, with
red drool all down my legs, doctor
says something about my humour,
you must let this abundance of blood

Caitlin Arwyn
Latest posts by Caitlin Arwyn (see all)
  • Heavy - 16th February 2023

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